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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Effort vs Struggle - The Right Way to Manifest

Ok, so we all know the first step in law of attraction is knowing what you want - getting clear on that goal and then really pouring your passion into your desire.   With passion and dedication come the next universal law - inspired action. 

Here is where a lot of people also get hung up because they mistake "struggle" and trying to be in control - as inspired action or hard work.   If you are struggling - if you are in the mindset that I have to push hard, compete, wear myself out to pursue a goal - you are approaching your goals from a fear mindset which will sabotage you.  99% of the time if you feel you have to constantly work at something to do it well enough or to be able to be "good enough" to manifest something - it is because subconsciously you are holding onto a belief system that says - I have to try harder than others because on some level I don't measure up.  Your job is not to prove yourself through struggle like many of us have been taught. 

The need to feel in control also stems from a lack of faith.  Remember - universal law is all about the "what" not the "how" - the other universal laws step in to determine the "how" - divine providence, masculine and feminine (when you plant a seed it takes time and nurturing to grow and reach its potential) 

When you are doing the right kind of hard work - it should feel like effort but not struggle or pushing beyond your limits.  If your goals are causing stress and anxiety - you are engaging in "struggle" rather than inspired action and need to revisit your goals and see how you can relax into the process more and enjoy it.  Often all that is needed is some simple adjustments in your thinking/emotional process to get back on target. 

Saturday, October 15, 2011

It really is OK to be selfish!

How many times have you heard growing up that you shouldn't be selfish.  Focusing on yourself is a negative thing to be avoided.  Women especially are always taught to put everyone above ourselves at all times even more so than men.  Not saying that men are not taught this ;) but as a whole they are also encouraged to be more self-reliant and competitive etc. 

So today I am going to cover a controversial subject - "Selfishness" and show you how being selfish is in fact the greatest gift you can give not only to yourself, but to everyone around you! 

What? I can hear you ask... How can being selfish possibly help me be a better parent, spouse, worker, etc.

Great question - I'll explain.

When we deny ourselves we also deny others.  Why? The answer is simple you cannot effectively give to others what you do not already possess within yourself.  If you spend all your time putting your needs on the back burner so that you can serve others at your own expense you do no one any favors. 

Remember, everyday when you look in that mirror, your only one true soulmate, the best friend you can possibly ever have who will always be there with you through everything, is the one looking back at you.  No one will ever or can ever fulfill you but you.

I remember a line in the famous movie "Jerry Maguire" that everyone thought was so sweet and it made me cringe a little.  "You complete me".  No other person can make you whole unless you already feel fulfilled yourself.  It's a nice idea, but it is simply not true.  When we rely on others to "make us happy" etc. we will always fall short, because the only soul on the face of this earth who knows what you truly want and need is you.  There is only one of you and you require no other person to be complete because the "all" already resides within you.  You are already a complete being - you just need to recognize and embrace it.  Others can complement you, can enhance you, but they cannot every "complete" you because you are NOT broken or incomplete to begin with.

We tend to get lost in others.  We don't take the time for ourselves to discover what our true desires are and we turn to others - selfishly ( in the wrong sense I might add), to provide us a sense of self-worth or value. 

Suddenly our children, spouses, friends etc. are burdened with the weight of being what "makes us happy".  This is an unfair burden and it is stifling to everyone concerned.  How do you feel when someone says that you don't make them happy? Chances are you feel defensive and that it's unfair.

When I take time to figure out who I am, I become strong and self-assured.  This allows me to teach my children independence, self-confidence, and it also gives others around me permission to be who they truly are without filters.  Because I am already fulfilled, others actions cannot cause me to lose my sense of worth.

Selfishness is the key to deeper, truer love and it is the best way to give all you have to others.  When you are fulfilled and joyful that energy radiates from you, it manifests in an abundance that you can then share with those around you.  Selfishness is about giving - not taking as we are taught..

Selfishness (in the correct context) leads people to seek the higher in themselves, to be truly fulfilled and at peace in their lives.  They no longer feel anger towards others for not meeting their expectations, because they can do that for themselves.  Strong, independent "selfish" people draw to them other strong people who are their equals.  They lead by example and encourage strength and independence in others. 

I believe that the reason our divorce rates are so high is because we are not selfish enough(in the right way) and are too selfish in the wrong context - we focus too much on others for a sense of self-worth and ultimately it fails, leaving us angry and empty.  We neglect our health(mental, spiritual) in our desire to be "selfless",  but those who know no self actually burden those around them.  When you get into a relationship or in a group of others who also are not "selfish" enough they in turn put the burden of their happiness and sense of self-worth unfairly on you.

Many teachers have taught us this in the past - "Be the change you want to see in the world" is one of my favorite quotes.  In other words, don't focus on what the other guy is doing wrong that offends you, work instead on focusing on your self - fixing you, so that you can lead by example... "Be selfish!"

In short there are two kinds of selfish - the wrong kind - that puts the burden of your joy, success, sense of worth on others unfairly and the right kind - the kind that is self-focused and positive allowing you to be independent but still compassionate and loving. 

Dealing With Doubts & Other Sabotagers

Today's post is in response to a very good question I received and it is something we all have to deal with - doubt (lack of faith in ourselves and our higher power) and other things that seem to sabotage our efforts and our best intentions.

Here is a part of what she said "...  When I try to stay positive and assure myself that things will go along my plan, I get sense of doubt and anxiety. I feel like that that is the main reason why I have not seen the result of LOA.  Can you give me an advice on how I can get rid of the anxiety and the self doubt so that my plan can manifest?" 

I think that often we get caught up in the idea of "manifesting" which gives the sense of great efforts and strain - really trying.  If you are working hard at manifesting your mind says well all this hard work should be paying off now now now! When what we expect to see doesn't happen in the time we felt it should, we give in to doubt, anxiety, fear we can't make it etc.

The most important concept in using the universal laws is to "Allow" rather than "force" something to happen.  We do have to take inspired action and make effort, but we also have to trust in ourselves and our higher power enough to allow things to manifest according to divine providence.  When we look at all of the 12 universal laws and how they tie into one another, we see that it is about much more than focusing and manifesting.

Universal laws are about faith building as well.  It requires us to always rededicate ourselves to our vision.  There is no one among us who doesn't sometimes face doubt and uncertainty.  That feeling is a blessing because it is a gauge that says you need to stop and realign your energy.  Remember that your ideals will manifest for you in the time that is for your highest good.

How to combat fears and doubts 

When you find things are moving slowly or you feel you are not making progress take some time to record in a journal every day the little victories and wins in life.  This provides evidence that you can look back on in the future when you are facing doubt again.

Record everything that shows you that the laws are working in your life.  Anything from being in the right place at the right time, to having someone give you unsolicited advise or praise etc. There are signs everywhere when you get accustomed to looking for them.   

Also, engage in activities that raise your vibration.  Meditate, do something creative or artistic, whatever helps you rise above the "heaviness" of fear, anxiety etc.  I also highly recommend a practice called "Emotional Freedom Technique" to deal with anxiety.  There are links on the sidebar on the main page of this blog that will teach you about this very simple technique for free.

Often when things are not manifesting as we had hoped it can be because we are blocking the very thing we want.  Usually it is because you have a hidden fear in place.  For example most people focus on "Money".  They want more money to have more freedom, less stress etc.  What also may accompany this desire though are fears as well.  Will I lose the money? Will my friends treat me differently? Will people try to take advantage of me? Will it really solve my problems? Look to the underlying fears and address those as well.   Often our fears block our progress and it is usually not the reasonable fears that stand in our way, but the irrational ones that we don't even realize we are engaging in. 

When you take the steps to acknowledge and release the fears to the universe, you open yourself up to the ability to "allow" things to manifest for you. 

Remember to also be focused on what you TRULY want.  Most people don't want piles of paper bills - they want the things that money can provide to them - more security, more stability etc.  Focus instead on manifesting those things.  Focus on the "what" not the "how".  Allow the universe to bring to you the means to achieve security, stability etc. and focus on what you can do to help yourself feel more secure, free, stable, etc in the meantime.  When you do that - the means to maintain those feelings will follow.  When you get too caught up in the "what" you miss the boat.